Sunday Random

Thanksgiving is past. It was a rough one this year on me, for several reasons. My father has been in the hospital and on Wed I was looking at the very real possibility that I may lose him over the Holidays. Losing him is something my soul must prepare for sooner or later since he had his double lung transplant 8.5 years ago and the life expectancy is 10 years but I never once thought about it being around the holidays. The holidays are some of the only really good memories I have of my mother (well, those that do not surround food) and the thought of losing my father around the only time I had good memories of one parent to leave painful memories of the other...it brought me to my knees. Thankfully he is making a recovery now and everything looks to be hopeful for this holiday season. 

I'm not very good at hiding my pain. I may not talk much about it but it does affect my attitude, I get quiet and reserved. And, having my mil around usually makes me quiet and reserved anyway. I'm sad that relationship is stuck in the past and I suppose my worry made things a lil worse this holiday. I digress, I can't fix things on my own or please everyone I suppose. 

We did get some Christmas shopping done successfully though. We've let everyone know the boys do not need much this Christmas, and asked that they not spend too much money on them. I think we were successful on that. My goal is that they not become greedy about getting gift, and it's so easy to do. 

We HAVE decided to put up the Christmas tree. We don't do Santa, and believe Christ has never been in the tradition of Christmas but like I said before, the Holidays are some of the best memories I have and it's really hard to let go of the tradition. I realize that the israelites couldn't either and God killed them all for it but I just have to believe that this is why he created the new covenant, because he saw how hopeless we are without Christ to fulfill it. I love Christmas. I DO want it to be about Christ, and family. That is all. 

The month of December is all we have left for Charlie's visual therapy, I'm so thankful it's almost over but at the same time I'm not sure he's ready. It doesn't seem like he's all the way connected yet. I'm hoping they have good definitive news for me because I won't stop therapy just because it's "possible" he's healed and there's a chance he might regress. Nope. We DID NOT come thru all this to regress. 

I'm having a hard time with fear. Now that my Thyroid is out I'm at an impasse. I'm afraid of where moving in any direction will lead us, or the pain it might cause too. I'm so scared to move because moving means unknown. 

I want to learn to crotche, and also to play the piano. Moreso the piano I think. But we do not have a piano. 

Our second homestudy is done and we're waiting on the surprise one. After that it's waiting for the paperwork to be complete to receive our certification. One we are certified we should be put in placement's eyes. Once placement has a match up they will call us. I'm scared of placement. I'm scared they won't see our paperwork and will call with a child in mind that meets none of our specifications, I mean, we don't have many. 

Fall Science Experiment

So I found this nifty lil experiment and thought I would try it. Here's the full steps on Leaf Colors and Chromotography
Check it out.

We picked leaves
we cut them up
Put alcohol on them and let them sit.

Then we put in coffee filters overnight and dried them. In the morning the filters each had a distinct line with which color the leaf would/would not turn (our evergreen was green, red was orange, yellow was yellow). And I didn't get the picture of the result cuz I'm just not that good. Eh, get over it, I do what I can. ;) :P

Fall leaves

Today we took on ye ole ritual of jumping in the fall leaves.
You see it's not normal for us to be able to partake in this right of childhood. We're from the desert remember?! Leaves are not something we saw in great amount.
So, now that we've enjoyed the Tulsa fall we decided it would be a beautiful day to teach the boys what fall leaves are all about. Neh, not Chromotography...we did that last week. (I know, we smart aint we?!)

Take every moment to enjoy life. We don't do this enough. I rarely do it anymore. I need to work on that.
But today....oh today the boys became boys and yup..they had a blast.
JUMPING IN THE LEAVES

Adoption- Do you tell them they are adopted?

One big question many ppl have once they have the adopted child(ren) in their household is

"should we tell them they are adopted"? 

Personally I believe it is much more harmful to NOT tell them and then they find out in the teen years or early adulthood. That is the type of thing I truly believe messes with their own self awareness and can be devastating for them to suddenly be asking "who am I then", or "was there something wrong with me"? 

Those years are hard enough, that's when we *SHOULD* be transitioning to adulthood and learning more about ourselves as God made us. 

I believe it's better to tell them age appropriately they are adopted. For example, at 2 years old you might not say "OK, your birth mom gave you up and we got you as an orphan from the system" but you might say:

 "I'm so glad God gave you to us finally!" 

"I'm so thankful God grafted you into me"

"our family is complete now that you are here and we are so grateful". 

There are so many loving ways to allow the child to come to a slow and healthy understanding that they are adopted but loved just as much and just as much a part of your family as any other child whether grafted or birthed but still gifted to you by the Master. 

Another thing we plan on doing is praying for, and honoring the birth parents. 

We very much believe that children need to know the truth, but not necessarily the EXTENT of the truth until they are much older and in a mature state of mind in order to handle it. So, the gritty details of why their mother was sick (we are adopting out of foster care so there is a great chance they will have had some issues that led to us being gifted these child(ren)) but they will be told that their parents had issues, and were not healthy and well. They will be told that their parents made a wonderful decision to give them life. And that God gave them to us to be their family because their birth parents just could not give them the life God had planned for them and that it does not mean they were not wanted. It means we need to pray for the birth parents, because they were sick and had many issues. Therefore we should pray that God take hold of them and make them His rather than turn them over to themselves. 

*insert* this is only in our situation, parents whom have willingly given up their children for a better life are making a brave, awesome, and difficult decision but one BECAUSE they love the child(ren), not because they didn't. That's what we would tell the children in this case...but most likely our case will not be this one. 

And so as they get older we will most likely say things like:

"yes, you were grafted onto us but we're not a family without you"

"You are adopted BECAUSE you were wanted. We wanted and prayed for you for 3 years before we finally were able to hold you".

"YOU ARE this family. We are a team and a team works together". 

Oh, we just can't wait to meet our future child(ren)!! 

This is what waiting to tell them looks like to me. Embrace it, it's part of who they are, of who God is making them to be and he has a perfect plan for them. Every ending is a chance for a new beginning. 

Bye Bye Hashimotos!!

This Definition used to be at the top headline of the blog. Now, it's just a post because it is NO LONGER PART OF MY LIFE!!! WOOT WOOT! 
Having a Total Thyroidectomy removed all my Hashimotos Disease. YAY! One down, two to go!

Hashimoto's disease is a disorder that affects your thyroid, a small gland at the base of your neck, below your Adam's apple. The thyroid gland is part of your endocrine system, which produces hormones that coordinate many of your body's activities.

In Hashimoto's disease, also known as chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis, your immune system attacks your thyroid gland. The resulting inflammation often leads to an underactive thyroid gland (hypothyroidism). Hashimoto's disease is the most common cause of hypothyroidism in the United States. It primarily affects middle-aged women, but also can occur in men and women of any age and in children.

Doctors test your thyroid function to help detect Hashimoto's disease. Treatment of Hashimoto's disease with thyroid hormone replacement usually is simple and effective.

Symptoms:

Hashimoto's disease does not have unique signs and symptoms. The disease typically progresses slowly over a number of years and causes chronic thyroid damage, leading to a drop in thyroid hormone levels in your blood. The signs and symptoms are mainly those of an underactive thyroid gland (hypothyroidism).

The signs and symptoms of hypothyroidism vary widely, depending on the severity of hormone deficiency. At first, you may barely notice any symptoms, such as fatigue and sluggishness, or you may simply attribute them to getting older. But as the disease progresses, you may develop more-obvious signs and symptoms. Signs and symptoms of hypothyroidism include:

• Fatigue and sluggishness
• Increased sensitivity to cold
• Constipation
• Pale, dry skin
• A puffy face
• Hoarse voice
• An elevated blood cholesterol level
• Unexplained weight gain — occurring infrequently and rarely exceeding 10 to 20 pounds, most of which is fluid
• Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness, especially in your shoulders and hips
• Pain and stiffness in your joints and swelling in your knees or the small joints in your hands and feet
• Muscle weakness, especially in your lower extremities
• Excessive or prolonged menstrual bleeding (menorrhagia)
• Depression

Without treatment, signs and symptoms gradually become more severe and your thyroid gland may become enlarged (goiter). In addition, you may become more forgetful, your thought processes may slow or you may feel depressed.

When to see a doctor
See your doctor if you develop these signs and symptoms:

• Tiredness for no apparent reason
• Dry skin
• Pale, puffy face
• Constipation
• Hoarse voice

You'll also need to see your doctor for periodic testing of your thyroid function if:

• You've had thyroid surgery
• You've had treatment with radioactive iodine or anti-thyroid medications
• You've had radiation therapy to your head, neck or upper chest

If you have high blood cholesterol, talk to your doctor about whether hypothyroidism may be a cause. And if you're receiving hormone therapy for hypothyroidism caused by Hashimoto's disease, schedule follow-up visits as often as your doctor recommends. Initially, it's important to make sure you're receiving the correct dose of medicine. And over time, the dose you need to adequately replace your thyroid function may change.

Causes:

Hashimoto's disease is an autoimmune disorder in which your immune system creates antibodies that damage your thyroid gland. Doctors don't know what causes your immune system to attack your thyroid gland. Some scientists think a virus or bacterium might trigger the response, while others believe a genetic flaw may be involved.

A combination of factors, including heredity, sex and age, may determine your likelihood of developing the disorder. Hashimoto's disease is most common in middle-aged women and tends to run in families.

Complications:

Left untreated, an underactive thyroid gland (hypothyroidism) caused by Hashimoto's disease can lead to a number of health problems:

• Goiter. Constant stimulation of your thyroid to release more hormones may cause the gland to become enlarged, a condition known as goiter. Hypothyroidism is one of the most common causes of goiter. Although generally not uncomfortable, a very large goiter can affect your appearance and may interfere with swallowing or breathing.
• Heart problems. Hashimoto's disease also may be associated with an increased risk of heart disease, primarily because high levels of low-density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol — the "bad" cholesterol — can occur in people with an underactive thyroid gland (hypothyroidism). If left untreated, hypothyroidism can lead to an enlarged heart and, in rare cases, heart failure.
• Mental health issues. Depression may occur early in Hashimoto's disease and may become more severe over time. Hashimoto's disease can also cause sexual desire (libido) to decrease in both men and women and can lead to slowed mental functioning.
• Myxedema (mik-suh-DEE-muh). This rare, life-threatening condition can develop due to long-term hypothyroidism as a result of untreated Hashimoto's disease. Its signs and symptoms include intense cold intolerance and drowsiness followed by profound lethargy and unconsciousness. A myxedema coma may be triggered by sedatives, infection or other stress on your body. Myxedema requires immediate emergency medical treatment.
• Birth defects. Babies born to women with untreated hypothyroidism due to Hashimoto's disease may have a higher risk of birth defects than do babies born to healthy mothers. Doctors have long known that these children are more prone to intellectual and developmental problems. There may be a link between hypothyroid pregnancies and birth defects, such as cleft palate. A connection also exists between hypothyroid pregnancies and heart, brain and kidney problems in infants. If you're planning to get pregnant or if you're in early pregnancy, be sure to have your thyroid level checked.

Treatment:

Treatment for Hashimoto's disease may include observation and use of medications. If there's no evidence of hormone deficiency and your thyroid is functioning normally, your doctor may suggest a wait-and-see approach. If you do need medication, chances are you'll need it for the rest of your life.

Synthetic hormones
If Hashimoto's disease causes thyroid hormone deficiency, you may need replacement therapy with thyroid hormone. This usually involves daily use of the synthetic thyroid hormone levothyroxine (Levothroid, Levoxyl, Synthroid). Synthetic levothyroxine is identical to thyroxine, the natural version of this hormone made by your thyroid gland. The oral medication restores adequate hormone levels and reverses all the symptoms of hypothyroidism.

Soon after starting treatment, you'll notice that you're feeling less fatigued. The medication also gradually lowers cholesterol levels elevated by the disease and may reverse any weight gain. Treatment with levothyroxine is usually lifelong, but because the dosage you need may change, your doctor is likely to check your TSH level every six to 12 months.

Monitoring the dosage
To determine the right dosage of levothyroxine initially, your doctor generally checks your level of TSH after a few weeks of treatment. Excessive amounts of the hormone can accelerate bone loss, which may make osteoporosis worse or add to your risk of this disease. Overtreatment with levothyroxine also can cause heart rhythm disorders (arrhythmias).

If you have coronary artery disease or severe hypothyroidism, your doctor may start treatment with a smaller amount of medication and gradually increase the dosage. Progressive hormone replacement allows your heart to adjust to the increase in metabolism.

Levothyroxine causes virtually no side effects when used in the appropriate dose and is relatively inexpensive. If you change brands, let your doctor know to ensure you're still receiving the right dosage. Also, don't skip doses or stop taking the drug because you're feeling better. If you do, signs and symptoms will gradually return.

Effects of other substances
Certain medications, supplements and even some foods may affect your ability to absorb levothyroxine. Talk to your doctor if you eat large amounts of soy products or a high-fiber diet, or if you take any of the following:

• Iron supplements, including multivitamins that contain iron
• Cholestyramine (Questran), a medication used to lower blood cholesterol levels
• Aluminum hydroxide, which is found in some antacids
• Sodium polystyrene sulfonate (Kayexalate), used to prevent high blood potassium levels
• Sucralfate, an ulcer medication
• Calcium supplements

Fall Hiking Talimena

As promised, we DID go hiking today, well...hiking is what THEY called it. By the end of it I was personally calling it "where I almost died" while panting to the truck with legs like jello and a face like a tomato.

My cruel and insane "so called" gentlemen decided it would be "fun" to take me on a "short walk". Pfffttt

FIVE MILES LATER I was dragging my fat butt back up a mountain grasping for help and gasping for air while the sweat (or tears, I'm not sure which) fell down my tomato-red and swollen face.

Ok, it wasn't QUITE that bad (yes it was actually), but I have to say this is only my dramatic side coming out. While every bit of those words are true it may not have *exactly* happened that way in my mind.....(until the very end, then yes, yes that's exactly what happened in my mind). But before that part (where my face almost popped) it was GLORIOUS. The colors were so beautiful and the forest beautiful. I found myself wishing that I lived there, right there at the bottom of the mountain I'd just hiked down without thought of how I was going to get back up (mostly BECAUSE I didn't want to go back up I thought I could just stay there and fly in necessities).

All kidding aside I really did love every minute of it, but I have to testify a moment about my husband's patience and understanding. His Grace spoke to me in ways he has not a clue of (till he reads this of course).
See, with how bad I've gotten with my health problems/diseases and how weak I am I wasn't aware of this until today but...I was really scared. Physically and emotionally terrified. I'd never been that person before but I was today. I was so scared and stressed my back and shoulders were killing me, I felt like I had to tinkle when I didnt, etc. I didn't even realize it until we were on the trail and I almost broke down into tears because of it.
My diseases took more than my strength, body, will. They made me fearful. Of Today. Of Tomorrow. Of the present. I live in fear. This is something I will need to keep addressing because it's so much more than I want to get into right now but my husband was awesome. When I paused, he paused. He walked behind me up and down the mountain so that he could try to catch me if I fell. He never once got frustrated, complacent, or even so much as raised an eyebrow. He was understanding and I'm so thankful because his attitude helped put me more at ease and allowed me to relax a bit and enjoy it, which I really needed.
I have so much more than just that one mountain to climb and I'm scared, but I'm going to pray through it and with my husband at my side I think I might just be able to do anything again...someday.
Here's to my post surgery new life waiting for me!

The drive in, mountains! 

Oklahoma Colors!

 Don't let this sweet easy walking look fool you. Right around that corner it drops slowly, and then BOOM, down the side of the mountain, which you must get back up to come home, unless you're rich unlike me and can have those supplies flown in of course.

 They had so much fun! I don't normally show them on my blog, so enjoy. Charlie and Kung Fu Roo

I really enjoyed today (believe it or not) and I loved hiking again and being with my guys without distraction of electronics. I sure do want to do it again soon!

Day Trip Fall Hiking and Color Watching

So....

.

But I think I've finally convinced my husband of it and that I NEED to get out of the house. Therefore we are going to enjoy some of the GORGEOUS Oklahoma Fall weather and see scenes like this:

And this

And this

YAY for a colorful drive around the Talimena loop, and YAY for hiking and most of all, YAY for getting out of the house and away for a day. West Texas friends, want to move yet?? ;)

Adoption Home Study

To be certified with CPS in Texas we only had to have one home study and it lasted about 3-4 hours. In the ICW (Indian Child Welfare) we have to have THREE. I find it a lil silly spreading it out because I feel it just takes more time than necessary but it is what it is.
This time he gave us paperwork to complete that was either missing from the file or was newly required for us to sign and next time he'll do our family histories and our parent's personalities. That one should be fun, *sarcasm*.
We also had to write a letter to the Birth Parents, which we are not going for infant adoption but I think they get this just in case. I'd be thrilled to get an infant, but I just don't think it will happen.
We also learned a lil more about how they have ICW set up, funny how you only hear certain things the further you get into the process. Like ICW is set up where they have separate departments for EVERYTHING. We have our paperwork worker (Ms R) who got us our training and all our initial paperwork, then we have our Home study Worker (Mr L), who will find out all about us and submit all his findings to his supervisor who is actually the one that will put us "online". After we're online we'll have
Placement (Not known yet) who will actually be the ones to match us up with children. Once we have child(ren) in home we will then get a Case Worker (unknown), who will do our monthly visits to ensure child's safety and recommend adoption to court, we may even have a court worker who will complete the process with us.
No wonder there are mistakes made sometimes, with paperwork getting passes around, parent's never getting the opportunity to get to know their workers, and workers never really getting to know us there are so many things that could go wrong. It's a bit nerve wracking I must admit, knowing we'll have to stay on our toes, listen carefully, and Cover our tracks in every. little. step. It's a bit daunting.
But, so is pregnancy and all the problems that can arise. King Fu Roo was supposed to have down syndrome until I was 8 months pregnant with him and he's completely worth the trials we faced while pregnant. So will be our future child(ren).

I am thinking and praying about how to get the word out more on children in our foster system. There are so many wonderful ppl whom raise funds and awareness for children in third world countries but I find very little in our own. Our own children is where we feel led to call attention too, and I know they need it. I'm just not sure exactly how to do it. I'm asking around and trying to get information so hopefully God will provide a perfect way for me to use the gifts he's given me for this purpose.

I open my arms and say "I am willing Lord, tell me what to do".