It's not over, it's just the beginning.

I mentioned that we'd "all but given up", and I thought I'd expand on that. Until now, we had. I felt like while I may not pass in the next few years, this was my downhill slide and that it would most likely never get any better. My time is always up to God but I didn't see a way out of where I am currently. It wasn't easy to see, it was very clouded in God's plans and so, being human, I saw what I knew and what I felt. I know I'm weak. This past year being off meds has weakened me greatly, my muscles have been attacked for over a year now. I know I keep gaining weight nomatter what I do or do not do. Even going 60% gluten free awarded me no refuge from the weight. I know that my immune system barely exists and I get sick and stay sick, for a long time.
Then, this past weekend I was doing a short kitchen dance with my husband over a Jon Bon Jovi song, of all things...and I dislocated my knee, hip, and ankle.
I screamed.
I screamed bloody murder because:
-of the pain
-of the fact that I'd JUST gotten over a month long illness and started to be able to do things around the house again
-because I was ANGRY! So very angry.
I was angry that I knew I'd be down for the count, again. That it happened, and it shouldn't have. Let's face it, although my leg was twisted the wrong way in an awkward dip my husband had attempted, it most likely would not have happened if I wasn't the weight I am right now.
I've been having knee and hip problems for a while now and so I'm glad I get to get it checked out but am waiting to see what, if any, damage I did last weekend.

My anger has fumed for days now, while I've been yet again sitting on the couch, doing nothing. I decided I am tired of sitting and doing nothing. Too long now I've listened to Drs say "there's no point in trying to change your diet or lifestyle until your thyroid is fixed because you're just fighting against yourself". I've listened to my own doubts and others around me. My own fears have crippled me.
And I'm done.
So done.
So, I'm taking out sugar. And I'm starting to walk and ride a bike I don't have yet...well once I get the Dr's ok anyhow. But the sugar is starting asap, among other things.
I have had a bucket list for a long time now, even before the movie was cool (although OF COURSE I had to change the name of the list to "bucket" after the movie..like everyone else on this earth).
But seeing this video today inspired me to write about it here, not just tuck it away on Pinterest (oh how I love pinterest) where noone will see it...although, let's face it not many will see it here either but that's ok!
http://www.godvine.com/Husband-Makes-His-Dead-Wife-s-Dreams-Come-True-1682.html

And you know what?! I'm not dead yet. I WANT to grow old with my husband, and even if that's not God's plan at least my family will know I fought for them. I don't know if that's right thinking or wrong thinking but it's what I must think. Even if I can't improve anything about my body until I find a good endo and get this stupid thyroid out or taken care of at least I can not lose anymore muscle, or maybe gain some strength back. At least by taking sugar out I can do everything possible to not gain more, even if I do.

And so, thus the beginning of my bucket list. I'll add a few things here and there as I'm writing and maybe I'll finish some too!
1-Give up Sugar. All processed forms, natural forms are OK.
2-NOT kill my husband while jonesing for sugar
3-Maintain more Gluten free lifestyle


These will have to wait until I get Dr's approval but they are first on the list when I do.
4-Buy a bike
5-Ride bike once a day with children
6-Buy 30 day shred
7-Do 30 day shred for 30 days and post results

I've bought the shred, and today is first day of no sugar. Pray for me? Pray for my husband! 

Playing pool..in the tub

It's hot today. SO hot my children should be outside, playing in the sprinkler. But, since I have a bum leg right now I couldn't set it up for them, nor the lil blowup pool. So, they asked if they could put on their swimsuits and play in the tub. With a boat.
And I let them.

This is what they said they'd be doing...

This is what they are actually doing....

anddddd this is what my bathroom currently looks like....

A new job, and medical care!

This morning I awoke to more changes, changes I can now officially tell you about. My husband is switching jobs again. He doesn't like that he's switching again, he wants to stay somewhere for a long time and find that precious security that he had in West Texas a year ago developing trust and friendships. But he's been a hot topic in his profession, time and time again he's had to turn down head hunters for insane amounts of money but not in the best places for our family. Example: Carlsbad, NM. I"m sorry, but there's just not enough money to make me want to move to Carlsbad, NM...at least not right now.
But one contacted him that he'd previously applied too before he took his current position and he thought it an honorable thing to do to just talk to them since he had applied and he wanted to make contacts in this company, at least for future positions. Well, it turned out to be more than he could turn down and the biggest part of that is the private insurance. They are such a big company that the deductible is only $600 a year and they HAVE NO PRE-EXISTING CONDITION CLAUSE.
Now, my sweet husband is the man whom his whole reason for moving us here and changing jobs, selling our house, and all those other things I mentioned here is because of ME. My health and to get me well. It turns out God had another plan and I wasn't the only one that would need to be here (Charlie Brown's condition and therapy) and we've been blessed in many other areas.
So what this means is that I'm able to get healthcare OUTSIDE the Cherokee Nation and more consistent proper care at that.

And with that we are back to having a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I'm not going to say it's all cheese and crackers from here, and am expecting a bit of a fight still. But with more choice, I should be able to find adequate care before long, on God's will.

Not only that but in this position he will now be a Lead Designer, which I think will be really good for him. And it's the next step up in his job. I'm sure the trips to Russia are just icing on the cake for him. HAHA

So, we are praying God's will in this and that this is a new chance, because we'd all but given up on me prior to God opening this door, more on that later.
So CONGRATS hubby! I'm so proud to call you mine!

Tackle a "summer attitude" with the Bible

The other night I found myself laying in bed venting to my husband about Summer and our "summer attitude" we've apparently developed in my family. I remember telling him how frustrated I was and that I was seriously considering year round homeschooling because since we've been on break the general attitude of my kiddos has lacked. Greatly.

I'm SO tired of the whining, complaining, arguing, not listening, etc. 

SOOOO tired. 

We spent a while talking it out and talking through some ideas and then the perfect idea hit me. We began it the next morning.

Let me illustrate.

First we began in scripture, Ephesians 6 1-4 of course was one we touched on. But we also did the above. I taught the boys how Jesus is our Savior, but He is also Lord over our lives and therefore we are to follow His Word left to us.
Therefore, each morning we begin anew with a clean sheet (that represents our soul/spirit), and throughout the day as we make bad decisions or do things that are against God's Word we affect our relationship with God, our relationship with others, AND we hurt ourselves. We are no longer whole.

Each child got a clean piece of paper with his name on it.









Through the day when I asked them to do something and they argued/whined/complained/etc I told them "go tear off a piece of your paper". They tore a piece and put it in a jar. 








And so, at the end of the day we looked at our papers, and discussed how we had affected our relationships with those around us, and with God by our bad choices. It's those bad choices that keep us from having peace and joy. And I reassured my guys, that of course the next morning there would be a clean white piece of paper for us to try again because Jesus IS our Savior, but to remember, He's also Sovereign Lord so while we can never be perfect, it's still our job to take up our cross and follow Him, and that includes His Word.





Believe it or not, the past few days since we've been doing this have been MUCH better. They are thinking about their actions and how they affect me and others around them. I'm excited to see how my husband and I can build on these lessons with those from the Bible. I think there's more to this story, it just hasn't been told yet. ;)

I like summer....

And trust me, here in Tulsa it's awesome so far! In West Texas they have been in the 100s since the beginning of June (a norm for the desert), and here our June average is 88.

Can A get A WHOOP WHOOP???!!! 

I'm sure July and August will be awful with the humidity, and truthfully by that time I'll wish for winter. I miss winter during summer. There's so many fun things you can do in summer and it's great and all but let's face it.

You just can't do this in the summer...

And that makes me sad.

Yes, I've got quite the stinker side of me. I do other mean things while he sleeps but I can't tell you those things, then my secrets would be out and I'd stop getting away with them and.
Let's face it.
These things provide me hours of entertainment in the evenings AND the next day as I chuckle while mopping.
In other words I'd have to kill you if I told you them. And that's just not where I am at this point in my life mmmK?!

Raising Men or Raising Boys?!

Yet another serious post and I apologize for my lack of fun attitude yet again. But, this post has been waiting for weeks now and, honestly, I just told my husband tonight how lax my guys are getting at helping and how I'm having to fight them on cleaning and need to get serious again. Summer break just isn't about doing everything we want and nothing we need so I need to hear this too. Again. It's a process, just like most things in my life. ;)

So often I see parents overwhelmed, frustrated at their husbands, at times even their children but overall just completely exhausted. I remember being this mom. The difference is, I was this mom when I had a 2 year old and a newborn, or a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Pretty much after that things started getting better.
Why? How?
Oh, well that answer is easy.

I'm NOT a maid! 

I refuse to crawl on my hands and knees and pick up after my children's messes all day long. I watch women do this everywhere I go. I don't get it. They HAVE HANDS AND FEET AND THUMBS made to pick things up!

Call me crazy. Call me a drill Sergeant. Call me what you will, it doesn't matter because my children are more responsible, and willing to help than theirs are. Evidence shows it works. And moreover, it's GOOD.

*rant warning*
WHY is it that we allow our boys, our children to not grow up, not be responsible, not help, not care, not be caretakers, not try, not have patience, not give of themselves, not give love, etc, etc, ETC!!!??
WHY is it ok that they get everything they want while we troll behind them like a maid befitting a king?!
WHY is it ok that we breed husbands whom expect more of their wives than is humanly possible and give nothing in return. WE are the beginning of ruined marriages, fellow mothers! WE teach them all these bad things and to be completely selfish, never to grow up, and only get married after they've "sown their seeds" but hopefully not seeded a womb?! This is not biblical!!
How wrong is this thinking! Yes, even you, the mainstream Christian mothers in the church who roll your eyes at this blog and huff to yourself that you are NOT like that. Yes, you really are.
I come across very few whom are diligently thinking of their sons future and what sort of men they are forming in their own households with daily chores, thoughts, lessons, character building, etc.
Very few whom have their future wives in mind, or grandchildren because they live in the here and now.
Well, the here and now with a servant attitude is hurting our children, I simply MUST tell you.
*end rant*

So, what makes me so much better? Oh, let me tell you none of this makes me better at all. I'm not the greatest mother and I do not pretend I am in any pretense. I do know, however, that my children will learn to be responsible adults and not expect everything given to them. I know this because I am working every day to make sure this becomes reality, by hook or crook! and some days it's crook, believe you me.

My boys do chores. Stay with me here, I'm not talking about the lil pick up your room chores (although they do this twice a day minimum). No. I'm talking about real chores, meaning they do most of the cleaning (there's two of them, one of me).

More specific? I thought you'd never ask.

Sweeping, mopping, feeding dog, watering dog, pooper scooping backyard, feeding cat, changing catbox, giving dog weekly bath, gather all laundry & put in laundry room, pick up each room, fold/hang their own laundry, dust, vacuum, wipe off table, sweep back patio, wipe off bathroom counters, wipe out tub, clean mirrors, clean sliding door glass, get clean clothes out of dryer and sort, help with dishes, feed fish.

Want to know how old they were when they began chores? 8 months old. Granted they did not/could not do all these things but at the very least they began picking up their own toys and we worked up from there.

The other argument I hear is "they don't do it good enough". REALLY?! Not only are you telling your children that them helping is not good enough, but your setting your standards too high! It's no wonder their wives often cannot be everything these men want.
What IS good enough?! So when my eldest dusts he doesn't get every single shelf. Well, that's why he dusts every day because at some point during the week he's eventually gotten them all. And then I might go around with the dust brush and get the high shelves or do a quick dusting once a week. Does this mean he didn't do good enough? No, it just means I'm getting things he couldn't but the thing is, I'm not making a big deal out of it. Never does he think I have to go over what he does, he thinks it's simply my turn.
And in all honesty we all three keep this house cleaner than I could on my own so saying they don't do it good enough is ridiculous. Plus, they get more detailed in their cleaning as they get older and begin to set their own standards.
And, I gotta tell you the stress level for a few dusty shelves is WORTH it!

We are a team, my children aren't slaves either. We all work together, and we get it done.
And one day, my daughter in laws will thank me.

Serious when sick

It's been an up and down few weeks in our household. The boys are fun-loving as ever, but I've been sick with a cold that turned into Acute Bronchitis...as it always does with me. I'm FINALLY starting to feel better but still on heavy meds and supposed to be contagious for the next 5 days.
But I've noticed that although our family still has fun and plenty of laughs when I'm sick, I tend to think more about the things that need to change in my life. I guess being held down gives me time to think more, which is good. But, I also tend to post those things. And they need to be said, and I'm ok with that. However, the fun and entertaining things will come back, don't worry. Because in my life, there's both. We look for the good and the bad in our family because in the bad IS good. It's all for good.

And there are many changes coming in our lives that I'm very excited to update on. Some of them include:

-I am gearing up to give up many/most forms of sugar. I'm reading "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkheurst again and am going to use it as inspiration and direction as well.
Basically when I crave so bad I can't stand it I'll be turning to the bible and prayer. This is where I need to be anyway. I will post for accountability what I'm giving up and when.





-We're about to be a two car family again. Bless my sweet husband for driving a much older car to and from work to help us out. He's a good man.
-I'm going to get a bike, so the boys and I can ride every morning. I used to adore my bike and I need something fun to do with them.
-And I think our medical care is about to get better. But, we'll have to wait and see and practice patience.

One crazy year

It's been ONE YEAR since our lives changed drastically.

One year ago we owned our home in Midland, TX and I was a popular Wedding Photographer that was too busy to see straight, much less homeschool my children with the intensity they deserved. Scott was employed at a company that he'd been at for over 5 years and was very comfortable there. We had my beautiful Honda Odyssey and his Explorer that was great at getting him the 3 blocks to work and back. He came home every day for lunch and things were good. My family and friends were around us (although most often we took them for granted), and we yearned for rain in the parched land we lived in.
One year ago my doctor told me there just wasn't anything he could do to help my Graves Disease other than what he'd been doing (he wasn't an endocrinologist and treated me with meds out of the goodness of his heart as my OBGYN). One year ago we knew I was going downhill in my health and we found out that my great-grandmother had a Dawes Roll # with the Cherokee Nation as she was full blood Cherokee. One year ago we found out I might be able to get help with the Cherokee Nation but it would take me moving to Oklahoma (health insurance was, at the time, $1500 a month for me and still did not cover my pre-existing conditions). One year ago I looked my husband in the eye and told him what the nurse said and laughed as he answered "OK, let's see what we can do".

Yeah right....oh poor Mama of little faith I was! 

Within 2 weeks he had a job offer in Oklahoma City and our world went into a tailspin. By the end of June 2011 all my clients had been notified that I would no longer be accepting new weddings. I let my brides know I would still be here to shoot their weddings, not to fear with the news! We put our house on the market, and my husband was moving to OKC to begin his new job while I stayed, shot 9 weddings, took care of our boys, and sold the house. Ummm WHAT was I thinking?!

By the end of the summer to say I was stressed to the max is like saying a nuclear bomb is a bit of a thud.

 I. LOST. IT. 

It was not pretty. And I regret my main meltdown (although there were a few smaller ones) because of those whom it affected. Even though it was, in part, in reaction to things that deserved me being upset over it still shouldn't have happened and I should have made better choices. I wasn't the only one who melted I have to tell you. My husband did not do well without us either. There is something about him being with us that keeps him calm, easy going, and peaceful. When he's not, he's almost a different person. He will not make that choice again to be without us for 3 months. Luckily in Sept we sold our sweet house, and headed out to OKC to a new life.
The house we'd rented was on 2 acres in Guthrie and really pretty. However it had black mold and we had to move out because the landlord would not take care of it. Our 2nd house was in Edmond in the city. We missed the country but the house was bigger and nicer. We would've liked to live in the country, but our new landlords were AWESOME and the house was a huge blessing.
My children went to a private school that was really a group homeschool that was amazing and really awesome for us. We loved this school and I was very involved. We met amazing friends and enjoyed our time in Edmond.

After the first of the year, getting healthcare through the cherokee nation proved way more difficult than we'd hoped. It just wasn't happening, and only because the process and paperwork took so long that by the time I actually got into the appts my thyroid levels would change. I was driving 2 hours one way once a week trying to get this settled.
In the meantime a company in Tulsa had contacted Scott and asked for an interview. He thought it would be better if we were in Tulsa to get medical care. I was not so willing this time, we'd been SO blessed in Edmond/OKC. I didn't want to leave, I must admit.
But, leave we did and moved to Broken Arrow.
There isn't a school like the one we went too in Edmond, so we've decided to homeschool and I've set out in trying to find a Co-op and/or support groups. This has been difficult. For some odd reason it's been hard making friends here. I'm not out and about as much as I was in Edmond, so I know that's one reason. Hopefully we will meet more people as time goes by. I know it takes time, it's just hard for a people person like me. :) We are now back out in the country, but only a half acre this time. This is a great amount of space for us though! We love it. It's so beautiful and green here! We've seen more rain than in the last 3 years together out West. And I've taken a break with my photography business and am working on putting my family first and only. It's hard when you associate yourself as one thing and then change. At times I haven't known what to do with myself to be honest. But I'm getting better at just BEING with my boys, and this gives me peace, and peace is good.
Since the 3rd move we've also found out about Charlie Brown's eye problems and needing therapy. And I've been off medications for a year now by Dr's orders. NOT GOOD.

In a nutshell:

In the past year we've-
sold a house
moved over 300 miles away
lived 3 months without a husband (NO thank you!)
moved 3 times
went from homeschooling to private school to homeschooling again
went from being a busy photographer to notta to being ok with notta
found out about Charlie Brown's strabismic amblyopia and started therapy
been off my medication for 1 year only to see my levels begin to turn HYPO thyroid now
still not get proper medical treatment, but have been richly blessed in other areas
made friends, moved from friends, to no friends but hoping to get to know more soon
lost a precious 12 year old cat
sold my Honda Odyssey to pay for visual therapy
had a HUGE pay increase from Midland, TX (Thank you Adonai!!)
been learning Cherokee Syllabry/language
rearranged our priorities
found peace

and God has blessed us so much through it all. 

What's most important here?!

Call to action - Momma's GET OFF THE COMPUTER...or CELL PHONE!...this includes ME!!!

The other night I'm scrolling thru facebook and see a photo of a "friend". They are watching a basketball game with family and posted a photo that disturbed me. I don't think it did them, they might have found it funny but I didn't. I found it all too true and all too me. Let's say there were 8 family members in this photo in one living room watching a sport together. Out of 8 family members, there are 6 on iPhones, and 2 on iPads..ALL on their devices updating or discussing this game.
Question-Why couldn't they discuss the game with their loved ones there?

Next scenario
I'm at the Dr's office and there's another lady there when I walk in. She has 2 lil girls there with her, and she's on her iPhone. One lil girl walks up and says "mommy! Have a looksie, looky here mommy, look what I drew!" I kid you not it took the girl pulling her mothers arm trying to get her attention at least 5 minutes before the mother actually looked up.
And in my bewilderment my own behavior flashed before my eyes. Noah did that to me while I was on the computer just the other day.

I was watching a show last night and kept looking at my phone thinking I need to "check in" or "check it".
Why? There's nothing more interesting than those in front of me. Yet, I am not with them. Truth be told when I'm with my family and thinking about checking my blog or facebook or email...I'm with those people I call "friends" but of few I've actually met and know well. I'm with strangers for the most part. And the saddest part? I'm more interested in the stranger than I am my precious blood. My husband who's shown me real love for the first time in my entire life, who's given me so much more than I could ever ask for. Who not only leads me to a Godly life, but who teaches me what compassion, love, security, and loyalty are. My children who are nothing but miracles that God didn't have to give me but chose too. The boys I adore beyond all comprehension..yet, do THEY know that? What do I show them is most important to me? THEM? MY HUSBAND? OR THE COMPUTER/iPHONE???
I'm not going to answer it because it, quite frankly, makes me want to slap myself silly.
And I'm not going to answer it for you either because only you know the real truth, and only you can see it or choose to make excuses. Your choice is your choice.

Mine is mine however and I choose my family. Yes, I will still blog. Yes I'll be on facebook to tell about my blog. But, you know what? I'm going to put a sign up that says this in my hallway, right where I have to go to get to the computer. And I'm choosing to walk away and walk towards them.

God is so good! 2nd Evaluation DONE

I'm sitting here...with tears streaming uncontrollably down my face. God is SO good! 
We had Charlie Brown's 2nd evaluation today with the other place that we call the "expensive place". 
Well, expensive or not this is THE place for him. This is the place where he will make it or break it baby! 
Over the past few weeks I have faced many fears and doubts as a mother. Doubts in myself, others doubting in me, etc. It has not felt nice at all. You see, I am one of those mothers that researches everything. I know all the basics of what I'm talking about and I want the facts and bottom line. Don't mush it up, don't put candies and rainbows on it. Give me the truth and a plan on how to fix it. This doesn't always make others around me happy. But, you know what I realized this week? I've never been wrong. I've checked out offices or Drs that have not worked out for us to see if they would, but when it comes to diagnosing my kiddos, or telling a temperature with my lips to their temples, I'm spot on. 
Does this sound arrogant? Not to me. Because it's not me of my own accordance being right. It's the intuition God has given me as their mother. It's Him working to make these children what HE wants them to be, not me. 
I think for the first time in several YEARS I have had confidence in my decisions and thoughts towards his medical care. Not because I really have confidence in ME, but because I have learned to trust in GOD. I've learned that God is Sovereign and that He provided me all the wisdom and knowledge I will need to raise the children He's given me....and He'll take care of the rest. 
He made me the way I am for a reason, and that is exactly what these boys need. 
That is SUCH a good feeling to say, I have to tell you. There is so much peace in trusting my Adonai. In knowing that all will be ok and that we will make decisions best for our child when he's in need. I hope every mother has faith enough in God to have faith that he's made you well for your children. 


For you, here's a verse. 

Psalm 145:17-20 "Everything the Lord does is right. He is loyal to all he has made. The Lord is close to everyone who prays to him, to all who truly pray to him. He gives those who respects him what they want. He listens when they cry, and he saves them. The Lord protects everyone who loves him, but he will destroy the wicked."

______

So, the facts: 

He is developmentally delayed in every visual field but--get this--non verbal communication. HA! INTUITION!! --he gets this from me...er better said a hereditary trait given by God alone. :)

His eyes do not track, nor process on any profile (with the exception of the non verbal). 

He is also Left ear dominant which means he has processing issues (it's complex). 

The plan: 

He will be going over the maximum amount of time, 48 weeks (norm is 36) twice a week for visual and processing therapy.

He will also be doing 20 minutes of tracking therapy at home PER day, EVERY day of the week (including weekends). 

AND, eventually he will be doing 2 hours at home per day of Patching Therapy (this is where he wears an eyepatch over his GOOD eye in order to attempt to kick in his bad). THIS I'm not looking forward too, and expect great frustrations from. 

And you know what broke my wall of tears? Later today, when taking the full amount his therapy is and dividing it by 12, it equals the exact same amount as our van payment was, before we sold it. 

There. Right there God said "Trust me, I'm taking care of you now that you're making GOOD decisions". 

Thank you Lord for being so faithful and teaching us so many wonderful lessons. In the bad, there is always good. Our boy will be healed, our will never broken. 

Be still my bleeding heart

Meet Norman.

Yeah...he's a mole.
We knew we had them, we knew our dog has been going CRAZY since we moved here trying to get one of the little suckers, we know they are vermin, we know they are eating bugs that are destroying our yard (which we will spray for this weekend), we know they make the land uneven and sometimes dangerous with their insidious trails of tunnels they build.

But, here's what we DIDN'T know:

We didn't know they were so small (about the size of my hand). We didn't know they were so helpless when out of their holes. We didn't know they sucked in when scared (like a baby trying to suckle milk), and that they calmed down when held in a blanket. And we didn't know that I'm a bleeding heart who wanted them gone but doesn't have the heart to kill them when brought to me by a very excited dog.

So Norman and I had an adventure. I buried him in some dirt in a box with some creatures he could munch on (he loved that) until nightfall. Then, my husband had the bright idea of letting the dog out back. Well, she dug in the box and got him again. Poor Norman. We thought our adventure was over. But it wasn't.
About midnight our dog brings him BACK to the porch..AGAIN.
So this bleeding heart puts him back into the box, grabs a shovel (you know, to start him a lil hole elsewhere), and throws them all in the back of the truck, drives to an open field with soft ground, digs him a lil hole, and releases him.

I'm only hoping that a stupid vermin had the better sense to stay away from my tires as I drove off....after the police officer stopped to inquire on me, and questioned me. Like it isn't normal for a woman to be out alone at midnight in a field with a shovel and a box, I mean really!

Oi VEY!
Some days I think my life would make a good sitcom. You know, the ones where you laugh at the family for how silly they are???!!!

Summer Bucket List

I'm all into Pinterest lately, but I really USE it. It's not a time waster for me, it's an organizer of ideas. I don't like clutter so it's the perfect way to have a pin board without it being in my house getting on my nerves. I've done most of the recipes I pin, and working on the other boards as well.
This spring I decided we needed a summer bucket list so that we don't get to the end and realize we wasted our summer watching movies. No, unacceptable in this household this summer.
So, I started a pinning. And pinning, and I'm STILL pinning.
But then I decided "you know what Momma" because I talk to myself, and answer myself as well "what?", "Well how are the kids going to know about all these cool projects and help keep your lazy butt accountable for trying to stay off the TV"? Yes, I insult myself in my head too. Too often, but that's another story.
The answer was to create an actual bucket list. In a bucket. With Popsicle sticks for them to draw. How cute is that idea? --saw it on pinterest--SEE! It's nifty I tells ya.
We began painting sticks, because who doesn't love THAT mess in their dining room?! Eh, it's just preparing me for yet another boy summer.

(Boy summers are messier than normal summers or summers that involve girls by the way. They attract dirt like moths to a flame, just yesterday they were turning a swimming pool into the worlds largest mud pie. I don't know why, they just FEEL the NEED). 

Hobby Lobby had the perfect bucket at 40% off and we used paint we've had for a while.

And I wrote the goals on them. Some big huge goals that we most likely will not be able to do (like swim with dolphins), and some small that we'll do way more than just once (like make homemade lemonade). But the point is, they are tangible goals now.

Our summer bucket list, because I'm striving to be a good mom. (not that all good moms have bucket lists, I'm sure most of you that are better at it than me don't need them, you just automatically do cool things every day with your kiddos and my kiddos would be jealous).

2012 Summer

Go to the Tulsa Air and Space Museum

Make a treasure map and go on a hunt (me previously burying something cool)

Make mini personal pizzas for lunch

Make mud pies after a rain -DONE

Family Bike ride (providing scott and I get bikes)

Play Hide and Seek

Play Hopscotch

Paint the sidewalk 

Do Family Game night

Watch a Parade

Play in the sprinklers

Make homemade lawn games

Have a water balloon fight

Catch lightening bugs

Go fishing (and actually catch fish)

Watch fireworks

Play Frisbee

Spend the night at the Aquarium (for my guys)

Watch a sunset

Nature scavenger hunt

Weekend getaway with my husband. Alone. 

Go to the Heritage museum in Tahlequah

Go to a drive in movie

Spend a day floating on a huge float on the lake

Make firework messages

Tie Dye Shirts for boys

Make soda bottle ecosystems

Make coke floats

Go on a roadtrip

Make straw airplanes

Make a mentos diet coke geyser

Begin Visual Therapy and see progress

Go to a concert in the park

Have a water gun fight

Make homemade lemonade

Go to Blue Hole park in Salina

Write and perform a play with boys for Daddy

Go Camping

Plant a tomato bush

Roast wienies and marshmallows on the firepit

Do library summer reading program

Go bowling often

Watch for shooting stars

Go to the dollar movie

Go hiking

Have a whipped cream fight

Go on a picnic

Lay out and look at cloud shapes

Hang out at the lake

Paint

Go pick berrys at the local berry farm

Spend a day at the OKC Zoo

Bubble Painting

Make a hovercraft

Make glitter timers for the fall

Make homemade butter

Go to the Farmers Market for our veggies--been doing

Go to the Splash Pad

Get a Fish Tank and deck it out with some gnarly fish

When we do something on the list, I've painted the bottoms blue so we turn them over in the bucket to show the blue part. BOOM! Space-saving AND a cool way to see what you've done. 

I'm adding to it all the time but it looks to be a fun summer! I think I'll add our projects as posts here. Why not, it's my blog and I'll blog what I wanna! ;)

Oh, btw...we did one of em already....
TADDAAAAA

I'd like you to meet "Blackfin Catfish, Blackfin Catfish, Star, Star, Fire, Fire, & Zebra"
---I KNOW--Where DO we get such original names?! I have no clue where this kind of great imagination comes from I really don't...        <:0/

It's like he wrote this just for me

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast, and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Through she may forget you, I will never forget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Isaiah 49:15-16


I forget all too often that I am precious in his sight. Maybe because my own experience as a child told me I was not, because it was all too easy for my own mother to walk away with bitterness and hatred towards me. Or because my own reflection tells me in a daily inner struggle that "I'm not worth it". 
Why do I choose moreso to listen to the fallen world around me or my own pitiful thoughts rather than the GOD of our universe? Why is THAT voice not the most important one? The one that overrides the others so much so that I cannot even heard their words any longer. 

HE says to keep HIS words on my eyes, ears, and heart and yet why is it so easy to listen to all the other chatter? 

In thankfulness I'm listening more. I'm realizing more. I'm LOVING more. 

When I am thankful for his words written above it forces me to actually PAY ATTENTION to HIS words. It makes me realize I need to give them time on my heart and mind, and not just dismiss. The more time they have on my heart, the more I listen, the less I pay attention to the chatter. 

I am thankful for my past. It HAS made me the mother I want to be. 

I am thankful for my disease. It IS making me take the fullest in each day. 

I am thankful for my son's disorders. They WILL make him a caretaker of others, and more of a sweet, kind, and understanding spirit to others with difficulties. It will also give him confidence and knowledge that GOD is in control and all is HIS will. 

I am thankful Yeshua died for us, that we might live in HIM. In that is a peace that lasts FOREVER. 

This, my friends, is what Eucharisteo is all about. Being thankful, in EVERYTHNG. 

Daily I count my gifts from GOD, do you? 

Update-Charlie Brown's Evaluation

I've been waiting for an official evaluation on his APD for 2 years now. I had been waiting for an evaluation for his Strabismic Amblyopia for over a very long month now. And Friday we went in for an evaluation, all excited. At one point Charlie Brown even jumped up and down and said "YAY! It's my special day, I'm special today". LOL awww
I would like to tell you all the facts. I would like to update on when therapy begins and what our starting plan is. Unfortunately that's not what I have. Unfortunately an official evaluation is not what we received on Friday.
We are disappointed and frustrated.
It is hard when something is wrong with your son and you don't know all that much about it (other than what you can research online) and really have no answers, and it's not something you can see with your own eyes, it's not a broken finger you can say "Can you bend it? Nope? Yup, it's broken still".
And I feel like it's my fault. I researched, looking for a cheaper option, just as good of an option, but a little more financially attainable. I thought I had found it. She was recommend by the National Board of Optometry just as the other place is. However we quickly learned that, in this case, we may get what we pay for.

Ultimately we do not feel comfortable doing visual therapy with this office. It was unprofessional and she may well have known her profession, but she was not good at communicating it to us. We left with no answers, and no plan. This is just not something we feel we can "take a chance" on. We do not want to be right back here in the same place this time next year without having given it our best shot. This office is not the best shot for our son.
Thankfully I had not cancelled our appointment for evaluation with the other eyecare clinic and so we will go there next Friday. Hopefully we will leave with a completely different feeling than last.
It's upsetting that I don't have much more to say on the subject but here's what we DO know.

We KNOW that our God is Sovereign. We KNOW that HIS plan is what is best for our son. We KNOW that with bad also comes good and we KNOW that we trust in HIM. 

This life is but a stepping stone to the eternal, and these children are ours but for a short time. For eternity they are HIS children. We will do the best we can by them, but ultimately God has a plan for them, nomatter what they/we have to face.

And nomatter what, he's still special. :)

Pain. Good or Bad? GOD or Life?

One sneaky side effect of my Graves disease only comes once a month. Yup, I'm going there...monster cramps. It feels like a vice grip around me for several days a month. It's one of those things you don't think are related but when you go on the "graves support boards" you see lots of info about it and people sympathizing.
And that got me thinking about how little tolerance we have for pain as a society today.

Physical and Emotional.

Physical- we take all sorts of medications without knowing anything about what we're actually doing to our bodies to get rid of the paid or make ourselves feel normal. Yet we do nothing about our diets?
Few people have connected the diet as actual medicine for our bodies, we seem to think we all have the superman complex and stomachs of steel when it comes to our food. After all, God wouldn't have made the woman who made the scientist who worked with other scientists who developed pesticides to keep the bugs he made off the food he also grew from the farmer he made...would he?! HUH?

I'm in a period of changing my diet. My worst enemy is not my knowledge on how, and it's not availability. It's me. Me actually WANTING to change it. Knowing what my body is going to go through and all the yummy plastic pesticides I'm going to miss. Weird right?! That's just how screwed our views are though. We give up health and feeling good for instant gratification that hurts us.
Did you know that 2 teaspoons of sugar cuts your white blood count down by HALF for the next two hours after eating it? Did you know that the average American consumes 22-34 teaspoons...A DAY?!
I am working on Gluten Free (or at least 70% gluten free weekly, cept when company is in town or we eat out too much but that's my next goal). I need to do sugar free. Sigh...I just don't know if I wanna!!! --whimper

Emotional-
Dr Voddie Baucham says that all to often we are not in ENOUGH pain for our transgressions. And it is related that our pain is, in fact, our trials or our guilt for our sins...or even our father's sins.
Genesis 22:1
Deuteronomy 8:11-16
Judges 2:20-23
That depression is our body saying we need James 1:5 or 1 John 5:14-15

Isn't it odd that we go to psychiatrists and yet the whole profession admit that there "is no cure for mental illness". Time and time again they admit THIS. And yet we still go to them? We still search? Why? When our answer is right HERE.  --The bible. GOD. The TRIUNE, ULTIMATE and ONLY.

People. We attempt to make this world too easy on ourselves, it's not supposed to be. It is but a small price to pay for eternity in HIS presence, but it is a price we must pay for our sins.
More often we need to come to HIM with our sins, we need to change the way we live and stop making excuses.

I, too, make it too easy on myself. or whine too much. I'm good at the whining, oh and excuses are my specialty.
What's your specialty?



Now, excuse me while I go take Motrin and lay in the fetal position for the rest of the day....