Halloween

We have our own Halloween tradition last year, and the boys actually accepted and looked forward to it this year. We do not celebrate Halloween. In Noah's words "It's the day ppl celebrate the dead ppl and so we don't do it". LOL Actually that would be the day after but Ok.
Instead, we stay home, do family activities, and have a family game night or sometimes watch a movie together. Tonight we painted pumpkins Angry Birds style, made supper, made homemade butterfingers, and made Apple nachos (like caramel apples but already cut up). Then we played Jenga and Uno while licking chocolate off our fingers and trying not to get it on the games. I'm not so sure we were successful in that.

I love my lil family.

But more importantly...HAPPY REFORMATION DAY! hehe...it's a calvinist thing. 

Funnies I don't want to forget

There are always things you wish you could write down, and then you start folding laundry and forget to write it down. My funnies posts are those things...at least the ones I remember recently. 

Family Game Night Conversation:

Daddy- shuffling cards

Kung Fu Roo- "I see a 1 daddy, I see it, I can still see it (bottom of deck)"

Me-"roo! Stop being overwhelming and let him shuffle"

Roo- "I see it, oh! I see a 3 now, I can see it"...pauses and looks at my very stern you didn't listen to me face and says "that's a funny face momma". 

Me- "this is the face you'll see when I'm admitted to the psychiatric ward (am always telling them they are driving me crazy when they are being overwhelming like this). 

Charlie B- giggles, laughs "what's a psychy Watchie ward"? Serious look. 

Yesterday reading our learning to read in 100 easy lessons when asking comprehension questions he's looking at the photo of the story and on it there's a guy, with an ice cream cone and the ice cream cone looks like it has a face drawn on it. 

Me to Roo- "what is he eating"? 

Roo- "An ice cream and it's mad"

Me- "would you eat an ice cream cone with a mad face"? 

Roo- VERRRRRYYY seriously looks at me and without cracking a smile nods his head and says "Yes. Yes I would". 

Tonight Roo comes in Laughing and says "watch my tummy momma". 

And jumps up and down while giggling

Me-OH! like a bowl full of jelly as I tickle his tummy. 

Roo- "Momma, NOW watch these" (points to his chest/man boobs) and jumps up and down laughing...they flip flop everywhere and I choked I was laughing so hard. 

What to know when adopting from foster care

Good information to know when adopting out of foster care, and the steps you have to take.
If you have any Indian Blood in you at all, make sure you have your blue card minimum first. If not, contact your local Child Welfare services and ask for more information.
You will have to go through the same classes and process as a foster parent as they have to certify you the same. It will look something like this (although varies by state).
1. So many training hours via their training classes (somewhere from 20-60 hours)
2. First Aid/CPR classes
3. TONS and TONS of paperwork, which is fairly invasive I must tell you.
4. Fingerprinting, background checks, etc
5. Homestudy, and interviews
    (in the Home study your home has to pass inspection and state laws such as: covers on all outlets, fire    extinguisher in kitchen, smoke alarms working, all pets vaccinations, etc)
6. Waiting and more waiting
7. and finally, you get a call on a child/children

So.

There are so many horror stories about children being taken away and there are a few things you can do to TRY to avoid these scenarios. TRY being the operative word here, because as I stated before, we are not always in control. But of the many stories I've heard there seems to be a few things that are the same in many of these cases. Things that are easily avoided. So, here's my humble advice...take it or leave it, I am certainly no expert. I have but a short experience with foster care and not even finished adopting yet. I know very little. This is just what I do know.

-The system is tricky, and not in your or the child's best interest. KNOW THIS, deep down without a doubt so that you do not get tricked by it. No, I didn't say the people in it are evil, they aren't. Just the system as a whole needs an overhaul. They are understaffed, overwhelmed, undervalued, overworked, and hardly allowed to take any measure they'd like too. Love your social worker, hate the system.

Once you know this then you can keep focused. See, too many ppl lose focus and then get tricked into believing something that is not true, and then get their hearts broken.

-STAY FOCUSED
-That phone call is an exciting one but words like "most likely will be taken from" or "chances are" are a HUGE red flag. If your goal is adoption only you should never consider a child whose rights have not already been terminated and/or given up by all relatives whom would consider adoption. Be sure to ask the question "are there ANY other relatives that would consider wanting this child"? If the answer is not clear and they do not have the paperwork to state so, don't consider the child/children.
Be aware that if a mother gives her rights over in many states she has 6 months to get her act together and change her mind. If she does within 6 months no questions are asked, baby is taken and given back to birth mother. Is this child past that 6 months?
Mother can give or have rights taken away, but has father or had the legal amount of time to respond and therefore state has declared his rights taken as well?
Best case scenario father is not on birth certificate but if he is, he'll have to have rights terminated or given away as well.

*Indian Child Welfare Act insert-Ask what the child's nationality is, and if there is any indian blood at all with either parent. If so, and you do not have indian blood this means you will not be able to finalize adoption. This is one reason you ask that paperwork is complete on both parents rights termination to make sure that neither has a loophole.

-Ask for paperwork stating that the state is also willing to release rights. It is their goal to find placement for all children but every now and then comes along a child that the state will not release rights on for one reason or another. Make sure this would not be the case.

-KNOW YOU MAY HAVE TO FIGHT
-Your asking all these questions sometimes makes more work for the social worker. They most likely will not appreciate this as they are overworked and overstressed already. But you have your family to think of here, and you have every right to know these things. Maybe get social worker a gift basket afterwards to thank her for her patience.

-Ask for the child's file in FULL!!!!
This is a big one. Often they will give you 5 papers with a picture of the child to look over. Sometimes they do not want you to see the entire file, or even want you to meet the child before seeing the file. NOWAY. You have every legal right to see the file in full before you agree to meet this child. Meeting the child before you are ready to say yes only hurts the child more by giving even more feelings of rejection. Seeing the entire file will give you an idea of where the child came from, what they've been thru, and what type of behavior they have as a result. Also any physical or medical issues they have.

-Ask to speak to the child's therapist if old enough to have been to therapy.
The therapist can tell you more than anyone what the child is like and what they are going thru, also give you an idea if they are ready for your home and would be a good fit. The therapist will know if the child likes to eat goldfish and therefore wouldn't be a good fit for your home with 8 goldfish tanks. They can get personal with you and honest as well.

PRAY PRAY PRAY.
You have the options to choose ages, sex, race, eye color, physical and mental disabilities, but you do not have the knowledge of the future. Only God does and he know's what is best. Pray he leads you into the right decision.

What kind of foster homes are there?

A little CPS/DHS/ICW education

There are several different types of resource homes that deal with helping foster children. 

Foster/ Therapeutic Homes:

Foster care is a temporary service for a child and is a valuable service for children who have been removed from the care of their parents due to child abuse or neglect. Cherokee Nation is in great need of foster parents for our children, families who can open their homes and hearts to children who have been abused or neglected and who want to make positive change in the life of a child. 

These are homes that have the goal of returning the children to their original homes/parents or a relative. 

Top Priority: Providing children with a safe,  loving, and understanding place until reunification can occur. 

Group Home/ Shelter: 

This is a Therapeutic home that houses several children. There are ranch homes where it's a group thing and each house on the ranch houses anywhere from 5-12 children of the system with one set of parents. In a shelter it is much the same only usually the parents don't usually live there permanently and can switch adults often. This is much like the Orphan places you see on TV, only they are not dirty workhouses like Orphan Annie. They are just homes, with lots of children and the only reason they are a necessity is because there aren't enough Foster Homes for the need. 

Respite / Emergency Care Homes: 

These are homes who volunteer to take children on an emergency basis or short term. Some times this means if a child is taken in the middle of the night these are the homes they first call to get the child somewhere safe for the time being until paperwork can be processed. Also, if a foster home has a family reunion they are going to but cannot take the foster children along or need a weekend break, these respite homes provide weekends off and are much appreciated. 

There are different ways of calling these and a few agencies/states have other options but these are the basics you'll find everywhere. 

There are two ways you can adopt out of the foster care system. 

1. Foster-Adopt

This is where you take a child whose right have not yet been taken, or given up. The case worker may tell you that you have a good chance in adopting this child for whatever reason, but the fact remains that they are not yet available for adoption. You must then wait for them to become available. This is where you hear the horror stories of children being taken away from their homes and given back to the parents, grandparents, etc. This is where you must know that the child is not yours yet and there is no guarantee that he/she will ever be yours. This requires the most trust in God that his plan is sovereign. Also, this is where you can be a foster parent, fall in love, and eventually end up adopting the child you've been caring for. 

3. Adopt out of Foster Care

Adoption our of foster care requires more caution on the parents parts. This is where you go into this ONLY wanting a child/children that have been taken permanently from BOTH parents, and all other possible guardians have signed over their rights. It's also smart to make sure that the state is willing to turn over their rights to the child prior to meeting (sounds weird but it does happen that they refuse every now and then). OR this may be where the birth mother has given over rights rather than had them taken. It's best to wait until 6 months after she's signed because she has 6 months to change her mind, AND all other guardians have signed over rights as well. 

The child only comes into your household with every intention of adoption and being yours forever. 

I will write another post with thoughts, and warnings for anyone willing to go this route because there are some secrets to protecting yourselves from the hurt the system can cause. 

This is also the route we are going. Luckily we had the opportunity to be foster parents years ago and learned quite a bit about our lovely system, good and bad. It stuck and so we have a few tricks up our sleeves to make sure things go as smoothly as possible. Of course we are not in control so in no way am I saying hiccups can't occur, I am most aware that they can and praying they do not. But, I feel there's some info ppl do not know about and should so anything I can do to help encourage ppl to help orphans find a home.  

Adoption

10/9/12
So we've been on a certain road for a while now. It's had alot of roller coasters on it and it's been a long one. Our road is adoption.
We've always wanted to adopt out of foster care, me since I was a teenager. I don't remember what brought me to that decision but I do remember wanting too one day, and telling my husband when we were dating before we married. He had to be open to it, of course.
I've always had a heart for it, for children.
And since I'm native american (Cherokee), when learning more about my heritage I learned about the ENORMOUS need for homes in the Cherokee Nation for foster children.
Why?
Well, there's a lil something called Indian Nation Child Welfare Act. It was enacted many years ago because the English didn't like how many Cherokee homes were and decided it would be in the children's best interest to take them. Their homes were fine, just small (because of the trail and taking all their fortune), and they lived with multiple generations. So Grandma might be taking care of the kids when the English came around and they didn't think it appropriate.
So, the Cherokee started to fight back, for the first time. And this act is tightly sealed in congress. While it was excellent back in the day, now I wonder how much good it's doing the children. BECAUSE, it states that no Indian child can be given to a non Indian family, unless they are directly related by blood or marriage.
What does this mean?
The Cherokee Nation Indian Child Welfare Out Of District Court And Permanency Services Unit (OOD CAPS) handles child deprived cases outside of the 14 county jurisdiction of Cherokee Nation. This unit works in hundreds of county courts advocating for the best interest of our Cherokee children. 

OOD CAPS is currently involved in 426 cases in 30 states, assisting 707 Cherokee children. 

~298 Cherokee children are placed with relatives

~38 Cherokee children are placed in a Native American foster home
~61 Cherokee children are in trial reunification with their parents
~7 Cherokee children were placed in guardianships

~17 Cherokee children are in a group home/shelter
~25 Cherokee children are in a therapeutic home
~13 Cherokee children are placed in residential treatment

~248 Cherokee children are placed outside of the placement preferences due to NO Native American home available to receive placement.

These numbers are changing daily. Cherokee Nation received notices for 1,226 children in the month of August; everyday court notices are coming in the mail regarding Cherokee children.

Taken from Homes for Cherokee Kids Facebook

This means there are more children in CN foster care per capita (the 14 counties) than anywhere else in the US, and the US already has a huge problem with children in foster care needing homes.

So. we started filling out paperwork last fall. 

And waiting is our game. They call it the "adoption pregnancy pains" or "the adoption labor pains". Being that this is normal. Still waiting, still hard, only none of the fun of pregnancy.
We had to wait for the training class, then we had to wait to move to Tulsa, then we had to wait for my health to get better since my issues had literally taken me down for the count (Thyroid is now out, thank Yeshua and other issues getting much better). Paperwork on our part is finally complete and now we are waiting to be given to our social worker so that we can have the homestudy. In regular foster care the homestudy is what makes you approved or not (they give more weight to your mental health than almost anything else). But, in the CN once all your paperwork and background checks are approved you are an approved family. Thus, we are. So, we just need the homestudy and the extras we need before they will start matching us up. This includes: Vaccinations for our animals (it's time), gun safe, plug covers, and fire extinguisher. I think that's it. THEN, once she has done the homestudy she has 3 months to put our paperwork all together and get us "online" to be matched. Once we are online then we wait for a phone call saying we might have a match.
Wait wait wait.

We are hoping to have another child by Christmas but it's not likely.
It's really hard to go thru Christmas when you are adopting, ESPECIALLY when you are open to adopting a child older than newborn, because then that child just might be out there, singing Annie songs, looking out his/her window, and wondering where his/her family is. On Christmas day you look at your children and are so happy and so blessed but at the same time your heart aches for the child that is not having such a good Christmas with their family.
Waiting is always the hardest part isn't it?!

10/19 Update:
I just received notice that it will be several more weeks till we are assigned a social worker. This means most likely Spring before we come close to our new addition.
Pray for our hearts and patience in waiting please?

Stabismic Amblyopia update

So last week we had another check up. And because of the results I'm going to explain this as best I can, as if I'm talking to others whom have children going thru visual therapy because, honestly, there's not alot of information out there on this and so each one of us who walks thru this with our children walks not knowing what to expect.
It's scary, expensive, frustrating, and there are so many questions that aren't answered.
And, if you're like me, and was struggling every day while diseases killed you via your thyroid and you got frustrated because they had cancelled you twice and you lost your temper slightly and thus you made them mad at you .....you get even less answers or explanations because then they view you as "the difficult one".
Nice. Well, I DID learn a lesson for sure.
I was crazy struggling in my own body ok?! Moving on.

Charlie Brown's vision has gotten worse by several focus lines/points/I don't know the official term. He's getting headaches and his eyes hurt regularly (proly the hardest part of the whole visual therapy thus far for a mother watching him hurt or struggle).

THIS IS NORMAL. 

I didn't understand either at first but let me explain.
His Strabmismus is IMPROVING and his eyes are connecting more and more. They even connected for the most of the eye exam, and then the right one (bad one) would spasm and disconnect for a bit and then reconnect again. The Dr saw this herself and the techs are seeing it as well every week during the therapy appointments.

THIS IS EXCELLENT.

So. Why is his vision worse right now then?
Well, since they are connecting they are learning to work together. Up until now his right eye is used to giving in and going blurry, and his left eye is used to taking over and seeing everything for both. Making them learn to work together takes just that...work. Each eye and his brain alike are having to relearn how to see, just like a baby. They are retraining themselves.

THE PLAN

For now. We push thru. This is the hardest part of visual therapy or so the Dr said. And it takes some tough love and tylenol I'm told. Once he get's past this part it all get's so much easier and then it's all better. But, for now we just have to keep working, keep training his eyes, and doing what we are doing. For now, we learn persistence and diligence.

It's a week alright.

Life around here has been crazy.
I just reread that sentence to myself as "Life has been around here crazy".
Yes. That's how crazy it's been.
It's made me dyslexic.
no seriously..............................LYSDEXIC!!!

Last Thursday I started to feel much better, the swelling was down...and life decided "OH She's up! Let's have at her!!"...and then it attacked. Life did.

Sat we went to OKC and rode Thomas the Train and visited with some friends. I could only handle one friend visit as I knew I'd be exhausted after. And I was.
Sunday church and Lunch and then my tummy got really upset all of a sudden (something I'm still fighting) so Sunday afternoon I spent sick.
Monday-Cleaning, Lunch, Visual Therapy, Physicals, School, and I really can't remember what after that honestly.
Tuesday-Cleaning, School, Lunch, School, Shopping for winter clothes, Science project (we made our own fossils), Supper, Grocery shopping, and I"m beat.
BEAT
I don't feel like you can catch my tone on a blog so I need to repeat for effect...B.E.A.T
We have company coming in Thurs-Sat.
I'm so afraid the house won't be ready for them. Or as good as I can get it. SOOO tired.

So swelling is much better but still there. If I nod my head down too far I get nauseous, or stretch too far. Makes it hard to swallow or breath for a bit.
The scar is getting on my nerves. The glue they used instead of stitches is peeling but not all the way off and so it draws attention. I keep waiting for someone to ask me about it instead of try so hard not to stare because I want SOO badly to say "I got into a knife fight, but you should see the other guy".
SO BAD.

Well have a good week. I don't think I'll be updating much this week.

Audio Processing Disorder - Don't get it

Here's what I do not understand about many families whom have children with APD, Social Processing Disorders, &  Sensory Processing disorders (they often come together)...why does it seem public school is their only option?!
I'm on several support boards to learn more and get support for Charlie Brown's APD and I see this often and some days I want to just scream "WHY?! Why do you torture yourself and your children"? They are often so upset because they've been working for months with the teachers, staff, and counselors with no results. Their children are inhibited and frustrated because of the noise, and the fact their children hear the charlie brown teacher and nothing else but static. The schools aren't doing anything. These mothers spend an extensive amount of time meeting with teachers and counselors before school even begins in IEP meetings creating a 504 plan but often the school doesn't have the resources to properly follow this plan in the way it was originally intended to be followed. They purchase expensive FM systems for their children to wear in class which is like headphones that cancel out classroom noise and only pick up the teacher's voice..but if they are not used properly they still hear the Charlie Brown teacher..or they only halfway hear her.
Many of these children have to learn to read lips in order to tell what ppl are saying especially in a noisy environment.
I only slightly remember these frustrations because MY Charlie Brown spent only most of one year in public school, and my guy doesn't have these Disorders as much as many children do. He's a slight case compared to many I see or hear of. Had he been a more serious case I CANNOT imagine what that horrible school would have put me through. What we went through was PLENTY to drive me from public school ever again.
Which brings me back to my original topic...Why are we fooled into believing that strangers do a better job of teaching our children? Why do we think we HAVE to send them to public school nomatter what they go through there. Why do we struggle so hard to advocate our children but state we don't have the patience to teach them?
I just don't get it.

I want to clarify that I never want someone to feel like I'm pressuring them to homeschool just because I do. It's an intensely personal decision and one NOONE should pressure you into. It's a commitment, and it's hard. I know this. You don't have to do it because we do, and I don't think you are any less for not doing it. I don't.

I just don't know why more ppl who aren't getting results in the public school system will not even consider homeschool.
It's proven that homeschool kids with these disorders do SO much better at home academically. They have a quiet, calm environment with a patient teacher who will focus on them. They thrive.

Take back your family! If your child isn't thriving, consider other options. WE are in charge of our families, our children. NOONE should make us feel like we have to do one thing or another because it is the "norm". There are always options.

Having a Total Thyroidectomy, my experience thus far

Day of having my Thyroid removed:
We arrived at the hospital where the Dr himself greeted us, said it wouldn't be long before we go back to prep. In prep they did everything usual, had me put on socks and "the gown" everyone loves to hate, got all my stats, and had me fill out surgery paperwork, then they had to put in an IV. Well, apparently all the water I drank the day before did the opposite for me and made me REALLY swollen. It took 5 tries to get an IV going and even at that it was in the bend of my arm where they usually take blood...not their favorite spot but it was the only one that worked. I also used the bathroom twice in the time I was there because I was so nervous my bladder felt full constantly. The nurse said she'd give me something to start relaxing me and as she was doing that I looked over at my husband and said (not one minute later) "ohhh I can already feel it". He apparently (because I have no memory after that) kissed me on the forehead and said bye and I said "bye husbands", and the nurse replied "husbands"??, to which he questioned "am I the one in the middle"? and I said "yeah" as they were rolling me down the hall. I do remember one more thing, the med Dr (I never can spell it), putting a mask on and saying "just giving you a bit of oxygen, breath"....and BOOM I wake up in recovery (they always lie about the oxygen).

In recovery:
I felt her patting me on the head/or neck I don't remember..she might have been cleaning me off from the iodine and junk they put all over my chest/neck/and half my face and telling me I'd be in a room soon when I asked for one of the husbands. ;) Recovery went quickly with me in and out.

In the room:
THE husband was there, and I said "hi" and still went in and out..but about 30 minutes after I arrived I had to pee (of course). So I asked the nurse if I could get up and she said if I thought I could. Two tried to help me but I easily got up and went to the restroom after they unhooked me from the IV box, and took the leg thingys off me. They put them back on and said I needed to get up three times before I could keep them off...but then they forgot to turn them on so it didn't do much good.
I was able to eat in about 2 hours right at supper time. Opening my mouth (I have TMJ so the thing down my throat locked up my jaw during surgery) was difficult and so was swallowing, and I couldn't talk above a whisper. But otherwise it wasn't so bad. I sent husband home and went for a walk down the hallway, knowing I'd feel better the sooner I got moving.
HOWEVER. At midnight the nurse came in to give me my Toradol, and the IV had broken so she could not. Rather than giving me a pill she just said she'd wait to see if I needed it and she'd try the IV somewhere else.
About 3am I awoke in EXTREME pain. My whole neck, shoulders, back, inner thighs, every muscle screamed in pain. I called the nurse and asked for that IV. Three nurses tried and couldn't get a vein. I had now been stuck 8 times. So, again rather than getting a pill they said I'd have to wait for the DR to come in the morning and see what he wants to do. *Ammendment* i wracked my brain tryin to remember every detail and i think they did give me hydrocodone at about 5am. But by this time it wasnt enough. I endured this pain until 730 am just crying, and trying to concentrate on something else hoping for sleep.I had had no toradol and only hydro for 10 hours at this point.

Second day:
Dr came in and wasn't too pleased with how unhappy I was. He thought it was just an emotional reaction. Of course, the nurses didn't tell him I hadn't had pain meds since 9pm the previous night. He stayed on track with sending me home and I admit, I was scared. However, he did give me the toradol and hydrocodene in pill form. Still every muscle was tense and hurting, I hardly slept even after getting a pill that day. My husband coming in helped me relax a little bit, but I was not very pleasant as I'd had a horrible night.
We went home that evening and I tried to relax. The nurse called before 5pm and I told her I was still in alot of pain and was afraid I would not sleep which would make it worse. They called in two sleep meds I could take.
She did also tell me that the lab results came back on my thyroid, it was larger than expected (we expected fairly large), and had extreme thyroiditis but no cancer (the nodules had grown 1 cm in the past 6 months so it was a small possibility). It was very diseased and attacked by my diseases though. I have had Hashimotos longer than we knew apparently.

Every day since I've been battling the pain/swelling/and muscle pain to boot but most days it get's just a little bit better. Today the muscle pain is better but I have some swelling in my neck making it hard to swallow and breath. I have sent the Dr some pics and I'm sure I'll hear back from him soon on what to do about this swelling, if anything. It get's worse at night and when I lie down it feels like there are hands around my throat making it hard to breath and swallow. It honestly freaks me out.

It's just really one of those things. It's not as bad as you think it's going to be but worse in other areas. I keep having to remind myself that I am only 7 days out of surgery and that it WILL feel better soon.
I don't know if the muscles pain is a result of low calcium, or a reaction to some meds I had to knock me out or both but that part I could've done without.

The good news: I am on 125 mg Synthroid to replace my thyroid hormone and I feel pretty good attitude wise. I've experienced no depression thus far and my mind is more clear than it has been in a while, which is weird considering the heavy meds I'm on making it less clear than normal.
We have some amazing friends and family whom have come to take care of the boys and bring us supper and they will never know the blessing they have been for me. I'm actually a lil scared to do it on my own today.

I won't be starting homeschool today, but I will be lesson planning. I'm trying to take it easy as the swelling has me a bit concerned and I do not want it worse for sure.  I might cancel Charlie's visual therapy for today, I need to make sure I can do an hour and a half outside the home first. Maybe wed?

*UPDATE* 5 months out
That swelling that was scary only lasted about a week, and I found out why. My incision is larger than most because my Thyroid was SO big and diseased that they had to make it bigger, PLUS they had a really hard time taking it out...it had to come out in 3 pieces as they couldn't get it out at once and save my voice. In fact, my Surgeon was surprised that I even HAD a voice in my last appointment. He was expecting me to have vocal problems for the rest of my life due to how they manipulated the vocal cords to get that stinker out. :( This was scary to find out I tell you.
But, actually, it's easier to talk and sing now. I didn't realize how much I was having to force singing in church until a few months out. I praise God I didn't lose my voice. :)

Also, because I remained Hypo for several months after surgery I have gained 30 lbs. :( BIG FROWN THERE.

So. 5 Months out. I am on 125 mg Synthroid, 20 mg Cytomel and I'm doing REALLY well. My next Dr appt is in 2 weeks and I'm SO ready to talk to her and see where my labs are. I don't think I'm there yet, I still feel tired and drained most days so I'll ask for a little bit more med adjustment, maybe even go Naturethyroid instead of synthroid. We shall see.
It's hard to believe I'm only 5 mos out of major complicated surgery. I'm harder on myself than I should be and think I should be better than I am. But, when I force myself to remember that fact it makes me go "oh yeah, I really AM doing great"!

And I am. For the first time in 8 years I actually FEEL good again, besides the little bit of tired I still have. I actually FEEL like myself. I am gaining more confidence and muscle.

For the first time in 2 years I am actually starting to believe that it's going to be ok. That this is not my time and I have much more of a life to live, Lord willing.
Now THAT folks, makes that major and complicated surgery ALLLLLL worth it. :)