Monday, May 20, 2013

Babies

First. You need to read this:
http://www.boundless.org/adulthood/2013/why-have-babies

Then watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HLK8nTCODQ

I have been pregnant 7 times. You read that right. SEVEN PREGNANCIES.
Those that vaguely know me just did the math and now have questions, considering my staunch conservative position. See, they know (and you most likely do too, considering my posts/cartoons on this blog, that I only have two children.
I have lost 5. 1 Ectopic, 1 DNC (due to heart not beating and my body not working properly), and 3 natural miscarraiges. Let's be perfectly honest here, there may be more that I'm not aware of. See, I took birth control for many years and I only know now that my pills and the Mirena IUD I had actually didn't prevent pregnancy as was promised/advertised. It just stops the fertilized egg from implanting and becoming viable. Thus I am so sorry I ever trusted the medical professionals that offered them, I am so sorry I took them and didn't follow biblical principle. I have asked forgiveness, and I hope I can one day forgive myself.

And you know what? Seven is not enough for me. God created women to yearn in her inmost being for babies. Because he wanted the earth filled, and us to create arrows and disciples. I only realize this recently because that yearning is so great. I would have more if I could. My husband made a decision that he felt was best for our family because of all my health problems. Pregnancy only exaggerated them and made them worse. It was a very real possibility that pregnancy would kill me. He didn't want to take that chance, so he had a vasectomy. I thought him brave at the time, I mourn it now. He does not, and that's ok. He wasn't made with the same yearning I was, we understand that about each other. He's patient with me and I understand him, and that he felt it best for our family to keep me. See, it's much easier to sacrifice yourself for your family than it is your spouse.

And so we enter the world of foster care with a family goal of adoption. We don't see it as an option, we see it as a duty, to answer the call God has put on my heart. We are Emergency Care, Long term Foster care, and Adoption out of Foster care.

Some people applaud us. Some people think us crazy. Some people work against us to convince us not to do this, they are not supportive and angry about our choice.

"If we understand adoption biblically, we ought to be leading that effort, not surprised by it". Voddie Baucham.

We understand the words in the bible. We understand to follow them is not always easy. We step out in faith. We need more babies! 

But I have to be honest with you. I'm scared. I'm worried, and I'm nervous. We have an opportunity to help a family out this summer and I have a knot in my stomach about it. I'm told this is normal but I'm so worried. It is not the vision we had, it is not the opportunity we wanted because in no way will he ever be ours, it is only short term, but it is presented to us and we feel it is a duty. So pray for my worries please?! Even though my beliefs are firm, my nerves still need support from those around me.