It's time I address this again. For myself and others around me. I've made it no secret that the hardest thing about being in Tulsa is the extreme judgement by the "Word of Faith" movement, and this movement is everywhere up here.
Let me explain.
If you've been reading my blog (really more of a diary) for any length of time you know we have issues. :) I won't deny it. We do. Many are health related...but I'll get to that.
One of the most frustrating things about my health is the question: "how does is relate to my Faith"?
Last fall, in the midst of feeling like there was no hope left for me I realized why I'd been struggling so much with my Faith. It was because I'd been told for so long, and believed that if I just had enough Faith, and prayed enough God would heal me. He wasn't. So where did that leave me? I'll tell you. It left me feeling that I was not saved, I was not His.
So often times I hear ppl saying hurtful things:
"God will heal you if you have Faith"
"God says he will heal you if you pray to Him about it"
"All you have to do is have faith and pray..."
"Our God is a faithful God and he's promised to heal us and only give us good things" (meaning he's only faithful to what we want and if he doesn't give us what we want it's either my fault I don't have enough faith or there's some sort of conflicting that maybe he's not so faithful, or maybe I'm not His).
Bursting out in unrequested prayer "OHHHH FATHER GOD!! We know you want to heal her, please set your hands upon her and heal your daughter, whom you so much love and only want the best for...."
sighhhhhh
But wait! There's MORE!!
"ONLY receive good and perfect healing from God. If you say it, He's given YOU the power to heal yourself. Just BELIEVE!!!"
"It is not God's will for ANY to be sick"
Oh I could go on and on.
These things, these HORRIBLE and oh so wrong statements had me believing I was not God's chosen, that my Faith was too week and I wasn't good enough. Nomatter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to please Him enough to be healed, I kept getting worse.
That. That right there is wrong. It is NOT in my actions that make's God will something.
God is SOVEREIGN! He has not given us any power as man. John 6:65, Matt. 11:2, Eph 2:8 & 9, Jonah 2:9.
I've even had the rebuttal that "our God is not a cruel God and he would not cause anyone to be sick for any reason". Um...... Jonah, Job, King Nebuchadnezzar. David, Elijah, The Philippian slave girl, Ezekiel, Bartimeus, Lazarus, The plagues, Abijah, Zaraphath, Bath-sheba's child, Jacob, Herod, Asa, Daweh, and on and on.
So here's my story in short.
I am broken I say often. Why? Here's the list.
Graves' Disease
Hashimotos Disease
Severe Stomach Ulcer-Bleeding
Thyroid Eye Disease (as result of the Graves)
Iron Deficiency
Vitamin D Deficiency
Serotonin Deficiency
Folic Acid Deficiency
I lost 5 babies before I had my first child (I don't produce progesterone)
Adenoma Tumor on my pituitary gland in my brain
Adrenal Glands aren't working properly
severe Hemorrhoids (wow that was embarrassing to admit)
Allergies galore
No immune system
Asthma
When I was 12 I found out my father had 5 years max to live. He's still alive but due to Emphysema he had a double lung transplant 9 years ago. He's had NUMEROUS issues from dealing with this terminal disease all my life practically.
My eldest son has APD, and visual processing problems as well which puts him in the mildly autistic range (high functioning). He's also very strong willed. Let's not mention the orthodontic problems he has from being addicted to the wrong type of pacifier.
My youngest son has allergies inherited from his parents.
My husband has such severe food allergies that corn will put him into anaphelactic shock. He's been hospitalized numerous times just by being outside in other allergy ranges over a weekend of fun. Let's not mention HIS orthodontic problems from years and years of allergy meds.
And you know what?! I don't know if God gave my life these afflictions because I was either going to be physically unhealthy as I am, or mentally unhealthy as my birth mother is. Or if I needed to be drug through the mud in order to kneel to him because I AM JUST THAT STUBBORN. Or if my husband needed to learn to love unconditionally, even though his wife no longer resembles the woman he married. Or if my children needed to learn how to serve others and have caring hearts because their mother is sick. Or if there's some woman 4 states away dealing with illness who reads this and says "yes, if SHE can do it, I can too....to GOD BE THE GLORY...IN MY JOY AND IN MY PAIN".
The point is, I don't know his reason but God is SOVEREIGN...and, to put it lightly..he doesn't have to share his reason with me. Whether he directly gave me these afflictions, he allowed Satan to afflict me (see Job), or if it was a result by His design in a broken world I live in....whatever the cause...whatever the reason HE IS GOD. I am not.
And honestly.
MY FAITH IS REQUIRED WHETHER
HE HEALS ME OR NOT.
So I go my path, trusting in Him best I can. And I ask you....is God in control of your life...or do you think you are? Who has the power? If you look in the bible and realize I'm right then please. Please for the love of all that is good...stop saying the above things to ppl that are sick or have sick family members. It only hurts and causes doubt.
Want to know more about just how much God is in control? Well, first you should go to your bible but if you need some reference of places to start this is an excellent article.
God's Absolute Sovereignty
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