in the trenches

We are on our 4th week of fostering our Firebird.
Hmmmm
I don't currently have any witty stories or cute things to write.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been bad. It's just...hard. Hard in so many ways that you would never think of unless you are here, in the beginning, where we are.
It's hard knowing where you stand, what your rights are, what to say, what not to say, how to say certain things in order not to offend, what's best for the child, etc.
It's hard having a child put in your home, having someone tell you to treat this child as your own, love and guide them....and then something hurtful happens and they say no, you can't tread here...stop, this is not your place. It's hard seeing a child in your household hurting, sad, lonely, scared and not being able to do anything about it except let her know you're here for her (and her mommy) and not against her, while you try to sooth and she won't allow you close.
It's hard setting limitations, being scared when you do because it may or may not offend. It's hard trying to love someone who does not love you, who's only affection resides with the one person she cannot be with right now. It's hard figuring out what support there is close-by to your family, to her, to her family.
It's hard on your family. Your children think you're showing preferential treatment because you don't yell at her like you do them when she doesn't listen. They don't understand that she's new, and scared, and doesn't know us well yet so we are more gentle in explaining things and how they work.
And they say it will show any cracks in your marriage if they were there. And trust me on this one. It does. It ABSOLUTELY does. And you'd be rather surprised by how quickly it does. It's HARD.

They call this the trenches of caring for the orphans as the bible commands us. There are many ways to serve and taking in foster children is, quite literally, the trenches of this battlefield.

It's not easy here in the trenches. It's consuming. It's hard to find a new normal. It's hard to trust, to allow God to work HIS will, while not obsessing about what mine would be had I my choice.

Ppl say "bless you for doing this". Yeah. No. Not so much. We're being challenged and stretched and our faces thrown in the mud.

But it's where we are right now. It's what we are treading thru and learning about.
There is good news to our story, though it's not a long one yet.
Firebird is healing.
She is learning to trust. She is giggling and happy...most of the time. She is opening up and processing some of her pain.

She is precious. Just as I've said before. She's a doll and she's worth it, these trenches. I would tread thru them for her any day.