Sunday, July 28, 2013

in the trenches

We are on our 4th week of fostering our Firebird.
Hmmmm
I don't currently have any witty stories or cute things to write.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been bad. It's just...hard. Hard in so many ways that you would never think of unless you are here, in the beginning, where we are.
It's hard knowing where you stand, what your rights are, what to say, what not to say, how to say certain things in order not to offend, what's best for the child, etc.
It's hard having a child put in your home, having someone tell you to treat this child as your own, love and guide them....and then something hurtful happens and they say no, you can't tread here...stop, this is not your place. It's hard seeing a child in your household hurting, sad, lonely, scared and not being able to do anything about it except let her know you're here for her (and her mommy) and not against her, while you try to sooth and she won't allow you close.
It's hard setting limitations, being scared when you do because it may or may not offend. It's hard trying to love someone who does not love you, who's only affection resides with the one person she cannot be with right now. It's hard figuring out what support there is close-by to your family, to her, to her family.
It's hard on your family. Your children think you're showing preferential treatment because you don't yell at her like you do them when she doesn't listen. They don't understand that she's new, and scared, and doesn't know us well yet so we are more gentle in explaining things and how they work.
And they say it will show any cracks in your marriage if they were there. And trust me on this one. It does. It ABSOLUTELY does. And you'd be rather surprised by how quickly it does. It's HARD.

They call this the trenches of caring for the orphans as the bible commands us. There are many ways to serve and taking in foster children is, quite literally, the trenches of this battlefield.

It's not easy here in the trenches. It's consuming. It's hard to find a new normal. It's hard to trust, to allow God to work HIS will, while not obsessing about what mine would be had I my choice.

Ppl say "bless you for doing this". Yeah. No. Not so much. We're being challenged and stretched and our faces thrown in the mud.

But it's where we are right now. It's what we are treading thru and learning about.
There is good news to our story, though it's not a long one yet.
Firebird is healing.
She is learning to trust. She is giggling and happy...most of the time. She is opening up and processing some of her pain.

She is precious. Just as I've said before. She's a doll and she's worth it, these trenches. I would tread thru them for her any day.


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Much like cleaning poop

Ppl are scared of the "bad side" of foster care. They hear the horror stories. They hear a few adoption stories. They don't hear the good stories...why? Cuz we're busy chasing children, teaching, disciplining, loving them, and cleaning poop.
So you want to know what the regular every day things are?

When "Firebird" came into our home just 5 short days ago she brought with her a pair of shoes...covered in poop. Apparently she'd stepped in poop somewhere and it didn't get it cleaned off. It had been there a while and thus dried.
I put them in the bathroom and ignore them until today.

Therefore I had to soak them in hot water....WITHOUT getting the leather inside wet or I might ruin them more. I had to scrub and pick them. I had to keep wetting them and being so careful with them. My fingernails poking in the rubber prying out that stubborn dried for too long poop. It took a while, too long for itty bitty shoes but I finally got it acceptable. Not clean but acceptable where they could be worn. I did not, however, keep from getting the leather wet so we still have to see if they will make it and not be forever changed by wet leather smell.

Now. Picture those shoes are actually a child and change all the actions to what you'd do with a child who's come into your home broken, and dirty, and hurt.

It's not your fault the poop got there. It didn't come from your yard. But you are the one who has to bear the smell and scrub gently trying to bring some restoration in that child while he/she's in your home. You have to cover him/her with love and do things to heal/fix him/her while being very careful not to cause more damage that may or may not be permanent.
And then. When you're done, you still don't know. You don't know if the child will bear the scars/marks/smell/etc of the poop they've been through.

You just have to do the best you can, and trust in God to do the rest. 

And for us, that journey has just begun. 

Sunday, July 7, 2013

She sings, our Firebird

Friday evening we got a new lil foster girl in our house. Our other guy went home early and back with his family where he needed to be several weeks ago.

This lil girl is PRECIOUS. We love having her here. Her circumstances are different than many children in the foster system and she hasn't suffered as many have, however anytime you are away from your parents you suffer as a child so it's always hard nomatter what the circumstances.

She is shy. She loves to laugh. She is quiet. Has a big smile when she starts warming up to someone. She's beautiful. She's spunky and likes to be a lil Momma to everyone around her (she told me my car was dirty when I had literally 3 pieces of paper on the floor, HA! I just told her she hadn't seen NOTHING yet. ;P) She's observant, and I'm sure we'll find out a lil obstinate too.
And she sings. 

Not in front of ppl, only when on her own when she thinks noone is listening. She sings in her room and she sings in the restroom. She has a beautiful voice, and although she doesn't know I am listening, I am. And I love it. I think it is her way of comforting herself. Of being artistic and expressing her emotions.
And I think it means that nomatter what, she's going to be OK. 
Because nomatter what happens in life, or what God has planned for her...she can always...ALWAYS sing. And I pray she does.

Sing little Firebird. For God holds you in His hands even though you don't know that yet. Sing your little heart out until all is OK in your world. 

I pray God uses us in her and her mother's lives and that we can help them through this time in their lives and be a Godly influence to them, teaching and loving on them. Will you pray this with me please?

I'll be calling her "Firebird" on my blog and facebook because of the book. If you haven't seen the Movie "Unconditional" you should. You REALLY REALLY should. It's not about foster children, but the premise is the same. Do something with your life, love others, give to others, forgive others.
And little Firebird, she learns that even in the darkest storm, all you have to do is break through the clouds to see the sun. Because THE SON is always there, even on your darkest days.
It fits because she is Cherokee like me as well.
So, Firebird it is, Firebird she is.