Adoption- Do you tell them they are adopted?

One big question many ppl have once they have the adopted child(ren) in their household is

"should we tell them they are adopted"? 

Personally I believe it is much more harmful to NOT tell them and then they find out in the teen years or early adulthood. That is the type of thing I truly believe messes with their own self awareness and can be devastating for them to suddenly be asking "who am I then", or "was there something wrong with me"? 

Those years are hard enough, that's when we *SHOULD* be transitioning to adulthood and learning more about ourselves as God made us. 

I believe it's better to tell them age appropriately they are adopted. For example, at 2 years old you might not say "OK, your birth mom gave you up and we got you as an orphan from the system" but you might say:

 "I'm so glad God gave you to us finally!" 

"I'm so thankful God grafted you into me"

"our family is complete now that you are here and we are so grateful". 

There are so many loving ways to allow the child to come to a slow and healthy understanding that they are adopted but loved just as much and just as much a part of your family as any other child whether grafted or birthed but still gifted to you by the Master. 

Another thing we plan on doing is praying for, and honoring the birth parents. 

We very much believe that children need to know the truth, but not necessarily the EXTENT of the truth until they are much older and in a mature state of mind in order to handle it. So, the gritty details of why their mother was sick (we are adopting out of foster care so there is a great chance they will have had some issues that led to us being gifted these child(ren)) but they will be told that their parents had issues, and were not healthy and well. They will be told that their parents made a wonderful decision to give them life. And that God gave them to us to be their family because their birth parents just could not give them the life God had planned for them and that it does not mean they were not wanted. It means we need to pray for the birth parents, because they were sick and had many issues. Therefore we should pray that God take hold of them and make them His rather than turn them over to themselves. 

*insert* this is only in our situation, parents whom have willingly given up their children for a better life are making a brave, awesome, and difficult decision but one BECAUSE they love the child(ren), not because they didn't. That's what we would tell the children in this case...but most likely our case will not be this one. 

And so as they get older we will most likely say things like:

"yes, you were grafted onto us but we're not a family without you"

"You are adopted BECAUSE you were wanted. We wanted and prayed for you for 3 years before we finally were able to hold you".

"YOU ARE this family. We are a team and a team works together". 

Oh, we just can't wait to meet our future child(ren)!! 

This is what waiting to tell them looks like to me. Embrace it, it's part of who they are, of who God is making them to be and he has a perfect plan for them. Every ending is a chance for a new beginning.