I mentioned that we'd "all but given up", and I thought I'd expand on that. Until now, we had. I felt like while I may not pass in the next few years, this was my downhill slide and that it would most likely never get any better. My time is always up to God but I didn't see a way out of where I am currently. It wasn't easy to see, it was very clouded in God's plans and so, being human, I saw what I knew and what I felt. I know I'm weak. This past year being off meds has weakened me greatly, my muscles have been attacked for over a year now. I know I keep gaining weight nomatter what I do or do not do. Even going 60% gluten free awarded me no refuge from the weight. I know that my immune system barely exists and I get sick and stay sick, for a long time.
Then, this past weekend I was doing a short kitchen dance with my husband over a Jon Bon Jovi song, of all things...and I dislocated my knee, hip, and ankle.
I screamed.
I screamed bloody murder because:
-of the pain
-of the fact that I'd JUST gotten over a month long illness and started to be able to do things around the house again
-because I was ANGRY! So very angry.
I was angry that I knew I'd be down for the count, again. That it happened, and it shouldn't have. Let's face it, although my leg was twisted the wrong way in an awkward dip my husband had attempted, it most likely would not have happened if I wasn't the weight I am right now.
I've been having knee and hip problems for a while now and so I'm glad I get to get it checked out but am waiting to see what, if any, damage I did last weekend.
My anger has fumed for days now, while I've been yet again sitting on the couch, doing nothing. I decided I am tired of sitting and doing nothing. Too long now I've listened to Drs say "there's no point in trying to change your diet or lifestyle until your thyroid is fixed because you're just fighting against yourself". I've listened to my own doubts and others around me. My own fears have crippled me.
And I'm done.
So done.
So, I'm taking out sugar. And I'm starting to walk and ride a bike I don't have yet...well once I get the Dr's ok anyhow. But the sugar is starting asap, among other things.
I have had a bucket list for a long time now, even before the movie was cool (although OF COURSE I had to change the name of the list to "bucket" after the movie..like everyone else on this earth).
But seeing this video today inspired me to write about it here, not just tuck it away on Pinterest (oh how I love pinterest) where noone will see it...although, let's face it not many will see it here either but that's ok!
http://www.godvine.com/Husband-Makes-His-Dead-Wife-s-Dreams-Come-True-1682.html
And you know what?! I'm not dead yet. I WANT to grow old with my husband, and even if that's not God's plan at least my family will know I fought for them. I don't know if that's right thinking or wrong thinking but it's what I must think. Even if I can't improve anything about my body until I find a good endo and get this stupid thyroid out or taken care of at least I can not lose anymore muscle, or maybe gain some strength back. At least by taking sugar out I can do everything possible to not gain more, even if I do.
And so, thus the beginning of my bucket list. I'll add a few things here and there as I'm writing and maybe I'll finish some too!
1-Give up Sugar. All processed forms, natural forms are OK.
2-NOT kill my husband while jonesing for sugar
3-Maintain more Gluten free lifestyle
These will have to wait until I get Dr's approval but they are first on the list when I do.
4-Buy a bike
5-Ride bike once a day with children
6-Buy 30 day shred
7-Do 30 day shred for 30 days and post results
I've bought the shred, and today is first day of no sugar. Pray for me? Pray for my husband!
No comments:
Post a Comment